confessions of a hungry heart

We were created, by tender, loving hands. Carefully crafted by a Creator so much bigger and greater than us. On the sixth day God made man in his own, glorious image. He set  mankind's feet upon the earth, and breathed life into him. Inside this little man, He placed a smaller still, beating heart.

With this heart, we were made to know Him, to love Him, to treasure Him, to worship Him. Because He loved us first, we would find our greatest joy, hope, love, peace, rest, fulfilment in Him alone. We were His, He was ours.

But we didn't want Him-and we don't. Enter sin-into the human heart. Oh-but we want the joy, the hope, the love, the peace, the rest, the fulfilment...but not in Him. I don't need you God. I will find satisfaction in other things. and so the hunt begins.

Money, power, success, approval, glory, qualifications, possessions, clothes, cars. food, technology. make-up, appearance, beauty, charm, personality, eloquence, skills, abilities, gifts, status, grades, career, my good deeds, my friends, my family, my church, my ministry, a spouse, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, sex, health, travel, work experience, music, art, academic knowledge, age, youth, pet, celebrities, movies, t.v shows, facebook, youtube, myself...anything, anything but you God.

"They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator." -Romans 1:25

and all the while our heart has broken. Somewhere along the lines while we were too busy stuffing ourselves and chasing the wind. death and emptiness has afflicted the human heart. we have debased our worship. the objects of our love have fallen far below. Our heart has become perpetually hungry, hungry for something more, for something greater, for someone greater-our perfect Creator.

(I'm unsure how to finish this, or whether I need to)...maybe I'll just leave a question. Will I cling to this worthless idol and remain desperately thirsty? Or will I let go, return to my Heavenly Father, and be deeply nourished once again by the embrace of his perfect love? 

The shift may hurt. a lot. but no more than if you chose not to.

Dear Wanderer-come home.

By default, I am a very very empty person.

Well I don't know if you can see that, in fact I'm pretty sure I spend more of my time seeming or thinking otherwise. I smile, I laugh, I can be full of energy. I do things I need to do and go about life as usual.

But I know that a lot of the time, when I stop and think, when I look into my heart, it is empty. When I think about my spirit, it is thirsty. You see, I am constantly searching for something to quench my emptiness, Facebook, friends, food, possessions, grades, approval, praise, sleep, being better, physical beauty. But after much searching, I am where I began-empty. If anything, more tired and frustrated and hurt in the process.

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." 

(Jeremiah 2:13 NIV)

Yet I know that I have no need to keep thirsting, that I don't have to keep searching. Why? Because Jesus is living water, we can drink His presence and his goodness and we are well and truly satisfied.

"Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 

(John 4:13, 14 NIV)

 In Him our souls find rest and healing.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28, 29 NIV)

In Him, we find life!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." 

(John 3:16 NIV)

So why am I still empty, if I have access to springs of living water? Why do I return to broken cisterns time and time again? Because I wrestle with the sin that lives in me, distracting me from the riches of God and turning my eyes and heart and mind to everything else-everything apart from the God who satisfies.

"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" 

(Romans 7:21-25)

So as a Christian, I testify that whenever I do return to my Heavenly Father- as I am, broken and empty-I have known a deep and inexpressible joy unlike anything I've ever experienced. An overwhelming reality of Gods love for me-his daughter, a peace that transcends all understanding, and rest, finally. Rest for my weary, wandering soul.

And at the end of the day, I can say: "The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:1-4 NIV)

If only I remembered to choose Jesus always! Return o soul to your shepherd, for He will comfort and guide you all the days of your life :)

*see corresponding prayer in the next post