Sacrifice?

If you were you were going to lose your memory,
And you could choose to remember one thing,
Or one person,
One thing only,
What or who would it be?

Today I felt that God was calling me to (internally) sacrifice, to give up, to surrender,
to let go of, to say goodbye to, the two people I love the most in this world.
I was filled with so much grief, I love them so so much.
So many happy memories, endearing moments...

Oh Lord, anything but them, 
They are so precious to me :(
My heart is breaking even at the thought of losing them

But -I must (for Gods spirit in me compels me)
And I will- choose,
Jesus.

Following Jesus will cost me my life, every last piece of it. 

But behold, it is the road of eternal life.

And he said, “The Son of Man must suffer many things 
and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests 
and the teachers of the law, and he must be killed 
and on the third day be raised to life.”

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple 
must deny themselves and take up their cross daily 
and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life 
will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me 
will save it. 
(Luke 9:22-24 NIV)

In other news...

Yay for bulk cooking! Broccoli pasta with basil and cherry tomatoes

 Ratatouille with herb steak

Cooking with roomie! Attempt @ Pad Thai

Prayer from 25 March 2014

God, I want to be your servant like Peter.

 I want to give up everything to follow you, 

God I want to go to the edges of the earth with you. 

I want to know and experience your Holy Spirit like I've never before 

I want your hand to pick me up and take anywhere you want to. 

I want to be your witness God , and I want to witness you. 

I want front row seats, I want to be at the frontline of the battle where you are. 

Sure, I have nothing and I'm weak. 

But God I've never needed to be qualified anyway. 

I want you to show your glory and power and love through me.

What that might look like I have no idea. 

But whether I'm a hobo, a quadriplegic, a deaf or mute, 

a doctor or missionary, a mum or wife or single, hungry or cold, 

I know that if you are with me, holding my hand, 

that's exactly where I want to be. 

Nowhere could be any better.

Falling in love again with the God of grace (Update 3)

Far out, God has been teaching me so many things, and opening my eyes to see, understand, experience and live with Him as Lord each day in ways that has just been indescribable. (And here I go, trying to describe things that I cannot...)

One of the major things that has really struck me (again) was the beauty of the gospel. Sure, when I became Christian I was cut to the heart, I could not comprehend why God would love a sinner like me, so much that He would send his only son Jesus to die on a cross for me, and now to be in a relationship with Him! But without knowing, this simple truth (aka. the gospel message) drifted from the centre of my attention. It was there, but only in the background, an underlying concept as I "moved on" to learn about other things from the bible.

But since moving here, God has opened my eyes to consider the gospel again-and not just consider, but to have it as a constant reality. And when you see the world, each day through the lens of the gospel, when you realise you are standing in God's abundant grace, everything changes.

Things become coloured in a whole new way. God's goodness is clear everywhere, your heart begins to overflow with thankfulness, you are filled with an urgency to share this message (a message of hope, love, peace and freedom) and you feel deeply and overwhelmingly loved.

I've also been reminded of Romans 8:15

"The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, 

so that you live in fear again; 

rather, the Spirit you received 

brought about your adoption to sonship. 

And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

What is it like to cry out to God "Abba, Father" ?
It feels like you are a little child, and not in a demeaning, negative way. There is beautiful simplicity in being a child, you are weak, but you're not expected to be strong. You don't always know what's best, but you're not expected to. You make mistakes, you stumble and fall over, but that's okay. You are a child, and there is a heavenly Father who knows this and loves you anyway and will take care of you. I was telling God about all my worries (and trust me there are many), and at the end of it, I felt like He was simply saying this, leave it to me.  :) how comforting!

Other thoughts...

• God is a God of joy! Like a Father making faces to make His child laugh, God delights in our joy and laughter!
• What humility looks like: being the God of the universe, almighty and powerful, able to do anything at will, and choosing to die on a cross - to know us, to have a relationship with us, to adopt us into His family. So He can take care of us without any barriers (what the!)
• I was trying to convince God why I was unworthy of His love, and no matter what weaknesses I tried to use whether 'trivial' (eg. I'm always late for public transport) or non-trivial (pride, selfishness), I was met with the realisation that God's mercy is always deeper, and that I did not stand condemned. I was already adopted into God's home, the penalty has been paid, the debt dealt with. Nothing can change the fact that I'm his daughter now :)
• Though we fail, and fall short still, God is there to comfort us in our grief over our sinful nature

So in short-Brisbane has been an absolute blessing. It has opened up my time/eyes/opportunities to experience God more fully and to share that with others in ways I didn't realise I knew how.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ." Ephesians 1:3

24th March 2014

Writing out my prayers helps me communicate to God, but sometimes I'm on the train or something and I only have my phone. Scrolling through my "notes", I'm thinking I want to start posting up some of my prayers. Why? Although they're not addressed to you, I hope that somehow you might be encouraged, or that you can relate, or pray them with me as I pour out my heart to God. :) (keeping in mind that I am flawed and the way I view or relate to God is not perfect) these prayer-posts will have the date I wrote them as the title.

***

God there are so many inexpressible and indescribable yearnings in my heart. God, so you're not content with my character at the moment. Well me either! God I am waiting. Cut off every branch in me that bears no fruit. Knock down my walls and break the roots of sin in me. God I am willing and wide open for you to work in my life. I want to be just like Jesus, I hate that I'm ineffective for you, I hate that I'm selfish and proud and afraid. I hate that I see with my eyes and not with my faith, that i don't honour and respect my parents, that I don't spread your gospel, that my heart is stone. That I compare myself to others and not Jesus. I hate my laziness and my lack of self control. I hate my idolatry and meaningless chasing of things of the world. I hate that I seek approval from others and not you. From men and not my God. God there are a million and 1 other things that I'm not even aware of. You know. You see, God take me and heal me. I'm waiting Father, I'm ready. And perhaps I don't fully realise what I'm asking, but I don't care. please answer my prayer.

Always, despite our weakness.

Dear God,

I love you, but only sometimes :(

Give thanks to the God of heaven. 

His love endures forever. 

(Psalm 136:26 NIV)

Humbled at your beautiful feet. (Update #2)

WOW. I don't really know how to express myself but I will try...

The past few days has been INCREDIBLE, AMAZING and SO ENCOURAGING! I think it started when I met up with a brother in Christ to discuss church-planting (starting up a new church) in Brisbane. Since, God has been opening my eyes day by day to see my time here in a whole new way. To see every person, every place and time here as an opportunity to share Jesus with others whether it's verbally or in the way I live/love.

In God's perfect timing, I was hit with the beautiful realisation that God has a purpose for me here-and this is it! To be the salt and light here in Brisbane. I guess I always "knew" this considering I felt God wanted me here, but until now I couldn't visualise exactly how or what that would look like.

(This photo is from a while ago but it suits ^^)

I think it looks a little like this: using my gifts to build up a local church, loving my uni friends, actually seeking opportunities to talk about the gospel, being bold in starting conversations and talking about God, studying faithfully --> just generally choosing to follow Jesus in every nook and cranny of my life. Not that this is what I do persay-but that this is what I'm meant to do.

And boy, realising that you are where you are meant to be, and ready to do what you are meant to do (with God's help) is a really wonderful feeling. Before I had been feeling a little confused and discouraged - unsure about why I'm here and feeling that the 'sacrifice' was all a bit meaningless. But no. haha.

I have always wanted to be a part of something bigger, beyond myself, and naturally as a Christian, this leads me to a desire to be involved with God's mission to the world-to reconcile people to Himself. and here I am! Watching God's plans unravel before my very eyes as He leads me to (sorry I'm going to get a little metaphorical here...) valleys and mountains and rivers that I would have never found myself if I had just stuck to my own path. Everything has so much purpose, so much intention because God is in control -He's the leader, I'm the follower :)

I AM AWARE THAT I AM RAMBLING AND I'M SORRY BUT NOT REALLY...I was never very good at structuring all my feelings and thoughts...

Just another note about sharing my faith, it was "mission week" @ UQ this week where there is a focus on sharing the good news of Jesus with uni students including a series of talks with topics such as "Why is there suffering?" "Why can't everyone go to heaven?"

I was SO AMAZED and EXCITED to see how many of my friends were keen/interested in coming along!! It made me realise that in sharing Jesus, the barrier for me was not in the other person, but in me. I think "oh-people won't be interested..." I am so timid in inviting-but why should I be? If it means I can share the greatest treasure in the universe? (God Himself)

I guess if I had to sum up everything: I am just humbled and amazed and so excited-that I (random, ordinary person) could be living a life with God (indescribable, loving Father) as my leader. Such a privilege, such a blessing, so much purpose and joy and peace...!

Oh-and I had 2 exams this week, (and another tomorrow) which went surprisingly well! I was so overwhelmed by God's goodness that I was feeling happy even before my exams :)

I have also discovered my passion for sharing food with others!
And thus I finish with a hectic relay of my adventures! (can't forget the food.)

Weekly Canto night (that morphed into asian night): Japanese Curry with Edamame

weekly asian night: vietnamese rice paper rolls

 Cooking 4 meals at once: minced beef with beans

Seems legit.

*Disclaimer: I do not eat this well everyday!! Please note that I selectively post up the highlights!