Anointed

Anoint: to dedicate to the service of God.

"Now this I know: The Lord gives victory to his anointed. 

He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary 

with the victorious power of his right hand. 

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, 

but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. 

They are brought to their knees and fall, 

but we rise up and stand firm. 

Lord, give victory to the king!

 Answer us when we call! 

(Psalm 20:6-9 NIV)

Oh what a privilege, what a joy!

Prayer from 29th May 2014

God I'm sooooo discouraged, my heart is so incredibly broken, it aches, it hurts so much God. It is so empty that a small gust of wind chills it to the core. It's throbbing in agony father. Nothing works, nothing fills, in desperation I indulge in the tangible things of this world which only scrape the hole deeper. It hurts so much God. How can I continue any longer in my day, how can I study, how can I think and live and breathe and face this burdensome world when I am dying from thirst? From where else can I draw energy from, from where can I be filled with life instead of crushed by death?  “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:68 NIV)

I come God. Have mercy, let your grace overflow in me. I can do nothing without you- I desire nothing besides you. No step is worth taking unless you are with me, fully and wholly. "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." (Psalm 73:25 NIV)

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.
(Psalm 51:7)

*See corresponding previous post

Dear Wanderer-come home.

By default, I am a very very empty person.

Well I don't know if you can see that, in fact I'm pretty sure I spend more of my time seeming or thinking otherwise. I smile, I laugh, I can be full of energy. I do things I need to do and go about life as usual.

But I know that a lot of the time, when I stop and think, when I look into my heart, it is empty. When I think about my spirit, it is thirsty. You see, I am constantly searching for something to quench my emptiness, Facebook, friends, food, possessions, grades, approval, praise, sleep, being better, physical beauty. But after much searching, I am where I began-empty. If anything, more tired and frustrated and hurt in the process.

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." 

(Jeremiah 2:13 NIV)

Yet I know that I have no need to keep thirsting, that I don't have to keep searching. Why? Because Jesus is living water, we can drink His presence and his goodness and we are well and truly satisfied.

"Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 

(John 4:13, 14 NIV)

 In Him our souls find rest and healing.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28, 29 NIV)

In Him, we find life!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." 

(John 3:16 NIV)

So why am I still empty, if I have access to springs of living water? Why do I return to broken cisterns time and time again? Because I wrestle with the sin that lives in me, distracting me from the riches of God and turning my eyes and heart and mind to everything else-everything apart from the God who satisfies.

"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" 

(Romans 7:21-25)

So as a Christian, I testify that whenever I do return to my Heavenly Father- as I am, broken and empty-I have known a deep and inexpressible joy unlike anything I've ever experienced. An overwhelming reality of Gods love for me-his daughter, a peace that transcends all understanding, and rest, finally. Rest for my weary, wandering soul.

And at the end of the day, I can say: "The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:1-4 NIV)

If only I remembered to choose Jesus always! Return o soul to your shepherd, for He will comfort and guide you all the days of your life :)

*see corresponding prayer in the next post

Sacrifice?

If you were you were going to lose your memory,
And you could choose to remember one thing,
Or one person,
One thing only,
What or who would it be?

Today I felt that God was calling me to (internally) sacrifice, to give up, to surrender,
to let go of, to say goodbye to, the two people I love the most in this world.
I was filled with so much grief, I love them so so much.
So many happy memories, endearing moments...

Oh Lord, anything but them, 
They are so precious to me :(
My heart is breaking even at the thought of losing them

But -I must (for Gods spirit in me compels me)
And I will- choose,
Jesus.

Following Jesus will cost me my life, every last piece of it. 

But behold, it is the road of eternal life.

And he said, “The Son of Man must suffer many things 
and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests 
and the teachers of the law, and he must be killed 
and on the third day be raised to life.”

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple 
must deny themselves and take up their cross daily 
and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life 
will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me 
will save it. 
(Luke 9:22-24 NIV)

In other news...

Yay for bulk cooking! Broccoli pasta with basil and cherry tomatoes

 Ratatouille with herb steak

Cooking with roomie! Attempt @ Pad Thai

Prayer from 25 March 2014

God, I want to be your servant like Peter.

 I want to give up everything to follow you, 

God I want to go to the edges of the earth with you. 

I want to know and experience your Holy Spirit like I've never before 

I want your hand to pick me up and take anywhere you want to. 

I want to be your witness God , and I want to witness you. 

I want front row seats, I want to be at the frontline of the battle where you are. 

Sure, I have nothing and I'm weak. 

But God I've never needed to be qualified anyway. 

I want you to show your glory and power and love through me.

What that might look like I have no idea. 

But whether I'm a hobo, a quadriplegic, a deaf or mute, 

a doctor or missionary, a mum or wife or single, hungry or cold, 

I know that if you are with me, holding my hand, 

that's exactly where I want to be. 

Nowhere could be any better.

Falling in love again with the God of grace (Update 3)

Far out, God has been teaching me so many things, and opening my eyes to see, understand, experience and live with Him as Lord each day in ways that has just been indescribable. (And here I go, trying to describe things that I cannot...)

One of the major things that has really struck me (again) was the beauty of the gospel. Sure, when I became Christian I was cut to the heart, I could not comprehend why God would love a sinner like me, so much that He would send his only son Jesus to die on a cross for me, and now to be in a relationship with Him! But without knowing, this simple truth (aka. the gospel message) drifted from the centre of my attention. It was there, but only in the background, an underlying concept as I "moved on" to learn about other things from the bible.

But since moving here, God has opened my eyes to consider the gospel again-and not just consider, but to have it as a constant reality. And when you see the world, each day through the lens of the gospel, when you realise you are standing in God's abundant grace, everything changes.

Things become coloured in a whole new way. God's goodness is clear everywhere, your heart begins to overflow with thankfulness, you are filled with an urgency to share this message (a message of hope, love, peace and freedom) and you feel deeply and overwhelmingly loved.

I've also been reminded of Romans 8:15

"The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, 

so that you live in fear again; 

rather, the Spirit you received 

brought about your adoption to sonship. 

And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

What is it like to cry out to God "Abba, Father" ?
It feels like you are a little child, and not in a demeaning, negative way. There is beautiful simplicity in being a child, you are weak, but you're not expected to be strong. You don't always know what's best, but you're not expected to. You make mistakes, you stumble and fall over, but that's okay. You are a child, and there is a heavenly Father who knows this and loves you anyway and will take care of you. I was telling God about all my worries (and trust me there are many), and at the end of it, I felt like He was simply saying this, leave it to me.  :) how comforting!

Other thoughts...

• God is a God of joy! Like a Father making faces to make His child laugh, God delights in our joy and laughter!
• What humility looks like: being the God of the universe, almighty and powerful, able to do anything at will, and choosing to die on a cross - to know us, to have a relationship with us, to adopt us into His family. So He can take care of us without any barriers (what the!)
• I was trying to convince God why I was unworthy of His love, and no matter what weaknesses I tried to use whether 'trivial' (eg. I'm always late for public transport) or non-trivial (pride, selfishness), I was met with the realisation that God's mercy is always deeper, and that I did not stand condemned. I was already adopted into God's home, the penalty has been paid, the debt dealt with. Nothing can change the fact that I'm his daughter now :)
• Though we fail, and fall short still, God is there to comfort us in our grief over our sinful nature

So in short-Brisbane has been an absolute blessing. It has opened up my time/eyes/opportunities to experience God more fully and to share that with others in ways I didn't realise I knew how.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ." Ephesians 1:3

24th March 2014

Writing out my prayers helps me communicate to God, but sometimes I'm on the train or something and I only have my phone. Scrolling through my "notes", I'm thinking I want to start posting up some of my prayers. Why? Although they're not addressed to you, I hope that somehow you might be encouraged, or that you can relate, or pray them with me as I pour out my heart to God. :) (keeping in mind that I am flawed and the way I view or relate to God is not perfect) these prayer-posts will have the date I wrote them as the title.

***

God there are so many inexpressible and indescribable yearnings in my heart. God, so you're not content with my character at the moment. Well me either! God I am waiting. Cut off every branch in me that bears no fruit. Knock down my walls and break the roots of sin in me. God I am willing and wide open for you to work in my life. I want to be just like Jesus, I hate that I'm ineffective for you, I hate that I'm selfish and proud and afraid. I hate that I see with my eyes and not with my faith, that i don't honour and respect my parents, that I don't spread your gospel, that my heart is stone. That I compare myself to others and not Jesus. I hate my laziness and my lack of self control. I hate my idolatry and meaningless chasing of things of the world. I hate that I seek approval from others and not you. From men and not my God. God there are a million and 1 other things that I'm not even aware of. You know. You see, God take me and heal me. I'm waiting Father, I'm ready. And perhaps I don't fully realise what I'm asking, but I don't care. please answer my prayer.